Cassandra Goh ' 吳苡嫻

Sixteen '07

29.August.91

CHIJ KC 403' 07

Friendster

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VANESSA

7 April 2008, Monday

i love you ; mummy

its a habit of me to bottle all my feelings up.
keep everything to myself.
sometimes i just don't want to share.
because i don't want others to worry.

i want to have a strong image infront of them.
especially towards my mummy...
i really don't wish to become a burden to her.
afterall i guess, i'm her most worried child among the four.
when i'm the 3rd child... 17 soon.

why?
because i always put others before me.
because you can never hear me voice it out.
because i ultra blur, easy get cheated or bullied.
because i will always be the one kana lu-gi in the end.
because i ultra slow learner, absorber, response-ner.
because i would rather wei qu zi ji, if can let the others happy.
because i ultra got no confidence, do everything also scared scared.
because i am a person who will treat people around me, whole heartedly.
because i don't know how to reject a person, even if i knew they are using me for their own benefits.
because.
because ya.
a weakling kampong kid.
frankly speaking, i'm really a nice person. ( as in if put it in a nice way)
blunt speaking, too simple minded.

i will be and am greatful if you appreciate me as a friend and treat me with your genuine heart.
i know who are the ones ; the friends whom i called the treasures in my life.
i don't mind having just a few friends, as long as they are true to me...
they meant everything, seriously.

some for i knew, just treat me like a ball.
toss and throw.
only come and get me when you feel like playing a game or two.
sometimes i close an eye and let you be.
for i know, somehow fate brought us together.
i don't care how you guys treat me, used me, as long as i done my part as a friend.
i lived my life with no regrets to you, my friends.

sometimes i really wish to grow up.
is not that i don't want too.
is just that i...
hais.
i don't know how to explain myself.

among the four of us,
i'm the one that mummy tells me her every little things.
her sad.
her happy.
her worries.
her thoughts.
her everything.

i really don't wish to add on to all her troubles.
sometimes even if she doesn't say, i can sense it.
so i rarely talked back or confront her...
even if i do so, probably is because i really don't wish her to carry on.
or maybe i just can't control my emotions. stress up.
but i respect her. verymuch. alotalot.
she is just different from other mothers.

most of the times, i think what she said, is true.
makes alot of sense.
all the times, i cried after her lessons.
is not because she scolded me then i scared or what.
but is i'm just upset and angry towards myself on why did i do this and make her angry?!
i just want my mummy to be happy :D

if i need to sacrify something from myself, to keep her smile on her face and stay strong/healthy.
i am willing to do the sacrifice.

she is my real smile.
she is my pillar of strength.
she is the reason why i'm living.
she is the one who gives me the courage and determination to move on in life.

i know to others they might think, is she really so WOW ?!
but to me, yes. erm no. she is ultra much more than a WOW !!!

sometimes i will try to hide my feelings. hard enough.
but i guess, she too, sense it.
she knows i'm stress or have something troubling me.
so she will do all sorts of funny things to make me hiccup a couple of HAHAHA xD
she is just soooo sweet.

among the four of us.
i'm the one who always get sick.
since young i got sensitive skin.
i nose bleed till lost count.
my palms' skins peel off like twice.
body muscle aches are like a daily routine.
i vomits like anytime can happen kind of thing.
now.
sensitive skin is back again after four/five years.
it got worsen.
nettle rashes to some more jia lat nettle rashes.
body muscles aches also become more jia lat kind - swell.
alot of different rashes.
allergy to more food. seafood, chicken, bean stuffs...
hais.
alot of shits la.

i will keep on smile and do all my best in my academic ; everything.
even if its ITE. i will be one of the best. no matter what i will try and give my best shot.
even if i don't achieve something from ITE, i will make sure i am still a good student, your filial daughter.

i'm sorry, mummy.
i didn't mean to fall sick and cause you all the unneccessary troubles.
i will control my diet from now on. really.
its an unbreakable promise.

not just to stay fit and healthy.
i also want to be a better person.
i want to be a daughter, that you can be proud of.
i really wish to shine and let you know that i can do it.
i will not disappoint you anymore...

for i am daddy and mummy's xin gan bao bei.
daddy, i miss you. alotalot.
this song "xin gan bao bei" is what i feel the message you left for us now.
"wei wo ni yao hao hao zi ji bao zhong sheng ti."
"xin gan bao bei, bu yao huai yi, zui ai jiu shi ni."
to me this song is not a love song between a boy and a girl.
i treat it as a father to his love ones song...
daddy, all the nicknames you used to call me, i bare them in mind.
i remembered every moments with you and the family.
you are forever live in my heart, don't go away ok?

i love you, daddy.

i really want the old times back.
please, will time rewind?

my memories are kept strong for the importance.
what i do best, is cherish the treasures that i have.
and this is the strength i am proud of...

31st March 2008 Monday



E.O 's DAY-OUT :D
at last went out with my deary zhumei !


(she must have haiya....for damn long liao. haha, now we manage to give ourselves a successful happy twist ^^V !)


okok.
got up in the noon around 1pm. bathe and all then go to PP with my lil vampire. lols.
accompany her to get her "Buy And Throw Away" school shoes xD
and of couse, BREAKFAST! i mean lunch... at MOS Burger.
aiya, half half fish burger with the lil vampire, had corn soup.
and OMG, lil vampire is such a bitch. purposely ate butterfly prawns and gave me all the O-so heavenly nice shoik faces. bleh! but hey you, my tanhan-ing skills very steady de OK!
muahahaha! then we took Bus 196 home, i need to rush home to get changed and meet my deary zhumei ! and guess what... we met on the bus! zhumei looks sleepy zZZ... but was excited for our E.O's date! lols. she so cute la~ loveher manymany!


we were abit late. so kind of rush with everything -_-! so when zhumei is done she called me from my corridor and ta-dah. our E.O's date starts from then onwards~...

hmmm...reached suntec bustop at about 4.30pm.
K called. She was wondering what bus to take from kallang leisure park to suntec.
HAHAHA! (i bet zhumei will LOLS when she read this part, the one in blue...)
we were all rushing to get our movie tickets " Rule #1 " at marine square first then go makan at the FOOD LOFT ?? forgot the food court name le. zhumei was craving for her POPIAH! hahaha!
while K had her Yong Tau Foo :D are you wondering what i will be eating? well well, just my home sugar cheese bread. nothing much. hais..boh bian. who ask my sensitive skin to be back. damn shit.


zhumei's image is important worrs~ haha. stuffs her popiah in her small mouth didn't want anyone to see. MEI LIAO LA ! lols.
okok. then we're done quite fast then chiong to the cinema le.
K go get her popcorn and drinks while me and zhumei camwhore alittle and off we go~ woohoo!


sitting position.
ME -> ZHUMEI -> K :D


lucky zhumei sat in the middle, couse in the end she's the one who was kiakia xD
by right i thought i'm supposed to be the timid one. HAHA!
you ah zhumei! funny lor. and always at the gan chiong part when the sound effects damn scary she will use my jacket and stretch her arms to cover my eyes xD and starts her AHHHHH~!!
K keeps ji siao her. lols. there's one part where got sound effects then everyone was like quite tense zhumei suddenly let out a " BOO! ". hahaha! everyone in the cinema went laughing out loud. whats more can i get from my zhumei.
she just makes me feel so happy and high :D
i feel relaxed going out with zhumei, she's just so bubbly , brighten up your days ("V")
thank you o~


and heng i brought my purple socks. kept me warm for awhile. cool!
socks on slippers. haha, don't diao or dots. my trend now :D
hack care you.


the " Rule #1 " was ok la, not that bad. Fiona Xie was wahhh freaking HOT!
but hard to understand the movie. but who cares, whats best is the process and the people you go with to enjoy. even if the movie sucks, at least there's someone there to entertain you!
zhumei done it all! she's pretty good at it. although " Rule #1 " was alright. she makes it even better xD good sial! rock on pig! muahaha!


after the movie we all walk walk around. abit the silent la.
must have bored K. but she say she's fine. don't know true anot. bleh!
and zhumei walk so FAST! and keep complaining me and K walk so S-L-O-W...
haha then zhumei went into the Royal Sporting House?? tried on some shoes and all..
damn funny. me and K was laughing at her, busy with her own stuffs xD
and yupyup. my legs was kind of cramp... felt abit gang khor with my leg's muscle.
humpfs. i'm forever stuck with all these shits. well, used to it le. so neh mind.

HAHA! (zhumei will !#$%^&)*&!@(***!! me if i used NEH mind!)


so we just walk and walk lor. until bustop. then K went home le.
then me and zhumei went Old Airport Road makan :D
yeah! explore see see makan what good. in the end we shared Fish Sliced Soup with 2 bowls of rice. nicenice. zhumei was stopping me from eating all the unhealthy food. hahaha!
good good. YES M'DM!
then we talked about our stuffs, say all out. blah blah blah. felt so much better and relieved. less troubles and more happy thoughts! woohoo!


then we walk home. on the way camwhore at the new LONG~~~ bridge.
its not that long afterall. all the orangy lights, hee :D nicenice.
ahh edited some of our E.O's pictures. shall share later..


then we reached home sweet home ("V")


thank you K and Zhumei for today.
its been nice gaigai with you two.
had made my day. xiexie ni duoduo.
next time it gonna be more FUN!
more talks and less bored ok!
when will our next day-out be...
can't wait.

the E.O's love :

the two nice pigs, hee :D



love is always in between us <3>


our sweet sweet E.O's Love
c'mon let twists again ^^V ok !!

12 March 2008 Wednesday

K left an offline message to jio me and joelle out for a movie on this wednesday/thursday.
"Di Yi Jie" :D

i hoping to watch it before the movie are ready and out. it will be out TOMORROW !!
i wanted to jio joelle and K too !! couse my other girlfriends all don't like watch horror movies and some will confirm find excuses to ditch me de D:

but i know joelle this week "grounded" lay, confirm can't go. so poor thing D: then i wanted to jio K out next week or even later to watch de...(but hahaha, i guessed K read my mind, K faster than me.) so joelle can go out with us !!
haha, though K asked us, but we both NOT FREE!!! damn sad lor, hias.
Sorry K, and thank you for jio-ing us to watch :D so nice!

keep raining freaking super ultra heavily lor...can't even WORK for even a second!
abit kua zhang but YA! rain non-stop know x( (means my salary gone for this week)
actually we only work on friday, saturday and sunday + public holidays de. but hor, this Saturday my cousin's wedding ! (FIRST mother' side cousin to get married worrs~)
so my mummy decided to work the whole week and since its March Holidays also, can bu hui the loss income for saturday ? but hais. God don't know for no reason cry until so terrible. Gosh, is something upset bothering you? God, i tolong you to say CHEESE from now onwards. you can cry when we're all asleep, wahh that will be super shiok sial xD

i've been busy this whole week !!! FREAKING BUSY! LOL, joelle named us " Business Women ". i busy with ecp work she busy with school work xD but we rocks la, hee :D
this week i was searching online for wedding congratulations greetings -_-!
diao, give me all those shits. then there's this ecard thingy,its like animation. its nice, but hor, the words appear and vanish so fast! i can't type it out fast into wordpad ! so i keep on replay the card to see and type out all the greetings words zZZ! i almost finish writing out the wedding card just that i need to sort of design the part where you write " dearest who & who "...

and YEAH ! i bought all my clothes ready for the wedding (day & night)!
spent so much money , need to save le if not pork kai.
mummy, da ge and me go shopping today !! WOOHOO~
but the damn rain spoils the mood lor. we travel from :
Kampong Arang -> Wisma -> Cineleisure -> Heeren -> Dhoby Gaut Mrt -> Harbour Front -> Vivo City -> Old Aiport Road Hawker Centre -> Kampong Arang -> Home Sweet Home :D

*yawn tired~

1,2,3 GOD SAY CHEESE WITH ME :D
please -_-!

I LOVE JOELLE SEETO JUHUI , zhumei ("V")
she's also another everything to me...
miss you much.

2 March 2008 Sunday

just a random post.

i keep saying :" i feel fine. " when asked where i got posted to.
but do i really feel this way?
sometimes i wonder its that a lie.
maybe.
maybe not.

i can't change the fact that i'm in ITE.
i mean i don't look down on ITE schools or students.
but yea, to other people, they do find ITE an eeeew, bleh when they hear/see the words -ITE.
thats make me feel so hurt.

eg. ITE is for stupid (i hate this word alotalot) and dumber people to study. All ITE students all AhBengs, Chao Ah Lian, Pai Kia. All is like cannot study type la.
Its The End for them, no hope one.

i don't agree with that. seriously.
but why do people keep saying that and feel this way towards ITE ?
although i disagree with it, but with all these rumours and all this shits keep nagging at my ears, i had enough. you won. made me feel like how you guys feel i am like in ITE, which you think it is !

i tolerate.
i control.
i did everything to stop my emotions being thrashed up.
hais. why must it be me?

my mummy talked to me.

Mummy said: " Don't feel so down. ITE may be an easy way out for you since you are seriously a slow learner. But thats doesn't mean you are dumb or hopeless. Even if you're not in poly its ok. ITE is not a bad school. Don't compare ITE and Polys, they are actually the same, equal status. If you really feel bad getting into ITE, then treat it as God wants you to feel less stress towards study, you're not so pressurise being in ITE as compared to Polys. You got offered to ITE, feel honoured that there's a school that would wants to accept you. As long as you got books and a place to study, it doesn't make any different where you studied from. Is how you look into this matter and how you feel towards it. Don't get confused by others's words. Its all depend on how you study the books and apply it to your knowledge/skills. Also, if you judge the school, you're judging yourself as well. If you listen to others's words, you will not be happy in ITE, can never accept yourself and the school . But if you think, Hey ITE is ok what. We learn things differently and are more skilled (due to more hands on work). Students there are ok as well. ITE is just a name, why feel so inferior about it? Anyway, the government are building more and more ITE schools means they strongly feel that there's a need to increase skilled workforce be in the working industry ASAP. You will mean alot to them. ITE is how you judge it, just likehow you judge a person. If you think its/she's/he's like this, then they are like what you think lor. If not so be it. Follow your heart. Don't keep think of the word ITE, just study happily and put in your 100% effort. Be happy of who and what you are :D " -translated to English for better understanding. If in Chinese, it will be meant so much better.

yupyup. its true. i feel fine :D
i feel so good after my mummy's talk. She makes me understand. But i feel so bad/guilty that i kind of disappoint her. So i hope i can achieve at least a something, maybe award or be recognise for my hardwork in ITE and show it to her. Hope i can excel. hehe.

the terrible feelings are back again.
though i no longer have the " O, damn it. ITE is a %!#$%^&*!!~^&*()_+ "
but seeing all my friends around me getting into Polys/JCs of their choice, i do feel sad/angry about myself. Some of my friends who didn't really excel during normal CA/SA exams, all scored better than me in Os. I am happy for them but i can't feel the same way towards myself. Although i am satisfied with my results couse i didn't really expected to get that results and i feel remarkable. haha. (maybe not for you but ya me). weird lor. hias. i just got to blame myself for maybe not working hard enough though i thought i had given my best shot -_-!

O well, it feel so good letting all out at one go.
leaving nothing but a fullstop.

erase all unhappiness, c'mon its life.
accept the way it is and be happy about it.
if there's no ups and downs in your life,
it isn't life.
it means you're abnormal. oops.
SO COME ALIVE AND SHINE WITH ME :D

25 Febuary 2008 Monday

ALLELUIA~

Chest X-ray
Urine test
Blood test

whats more?
gonna faint soon.

suck quite alot of my blood, feel so nuah nuah.
( damn, hope i got no troubles handling with my food later on at Raffles Hotel)

hahaha! GOSH.
it also mean i got to wear a dress.
( dress is seriously ain't my cup of tea) hahaha!

i'm SUPPOSE to lose weight. ( at least a 2kg)
BUT hahaha, i doubt so.
i guess its a GAIN instead XD

WOOHOO! love fats.
i just can't seem to be getting rid of them.
(guess they love me toomuch. just TOOMUCH) got it fats?

i hope to say BYE to you ASAP!!!! seriously fats.

24 Febuary 2008 Sunday

took Bus 13 from Bishan to East Coast.
( god damn it) O, i'm sorry.
i mean ( ah la, damn it.)

i saw this OMG cute guy.
(don't you know you got darn nice skin tone)
HE's HOT.

muahaha, he's an athelic ( pardon me for my spellings)
woot. nicenice (but it would be better if you shave off your little moustache xD)

i got a question.
what kind of reaction you will give when you saw someone HOT be it a male/female.
hmmm, will your heart skip a beat, or beating like damn fast gonna vomit it out from your mouth. eeeeee, digusting but who knows la. i mean example only. HAHA.
aiya, i guess its natural to feel in all kind of ways right? if not, you're really ABNORMAL.
like seriously.

i got another question.
how is a girl like?
must a girl be bitchy to be a girl ?
must a girl be bimbotic to be a girl?
i mean what damn things do girls always do?
i mean what the heck.

gosh, i think its a long list ya. i'm just wondering.
hahaha, how do girls talk ? do they always do those bitches' hand movements.
and goes " you go girl. " " ARH. " " O. MY GAD. "

boys are more simple. haha, to me la.
easier to be, no need to fake around.
have a cool attitude. hmm.

really got a nice day!
damn tired after work. so night.

22 Febuary 2008 Friday

haha, my blog is dead for sometimes.
i'm sooooooooooorryyy xD

ok people, go to www.youtube.com and search for jeff dunham.
when you're done, click for jeff dunham & achmed the dead terrorist.
watch it, dude and babes and LOL.
( i meant it, unless you're not one of them) muahaha.

then after watching that, click for jeff dunham & achmed -Jingle Bombs.
followed by : jeff dunham & peanut 1,2 & 3.
there are 3 parts for these.

ok. sit back , relax and just laugh it out.
its not just for entertainment but by laughing you can also burn 3.5 calories of fats!

BYEE!